What a week it’s been after my diagnosis last week. There are moments when it hits me like a tonne of bricks and moments when I feel almost normal. Such a surreal kind of experience.
But I do have some good news- the surgery is going ahead this Tuesday as they had hoped. I had two more scans this week- a CT scan of the specific area and an MRI scan of the pelvic region. What no one tells you beforehand is all the horrible substances you have to take or be injected with so the scans work effectively. I have teeny tiny veins and they tried 3 times for one of the scans to get a needle in!
When we met the consultant on Thursday, she explained that it appears it’s a bit of a double-whammy. I also have some endometriosis and it looks like the area Trevor (the tumour) is in has become attached to my left ovary thanks to endometrial cells creating extra filaments / inflammation in the area.
They are hoping to be able to separate them with a clear margin, but if not, I’ll end up having the ovary out too. They would possibly just take it out if fertility wasn’t an issue (we had also been TTC for a while, so likely this diagnosis also explains that). It depends on what they see when they get in. CT scans and MRI are great but nothing really compares to actually going in and having a good old look.
Feeling positive and hopeful at this point- I’m not sure if I’m in denial, but I feel strangely ok. Trust is a big word. I’m trusting this process.
I strongly believe we have the power to heal ourselves and this Bad Cell Problem is simply an imbalance. We have attached so much fear and stress to the big C word and actually, it doesn’t help. We all know of the Placebo effect… there is also the Nocebo effect whereby if we are told something negative about our health, we then start to feel worse and notice apparent symptoms. So whilst there is an imbalance in my body, I’m doing all I can to work through this as a healing experience. When I start feeling into the fear around the word, I can feel my energy draining, and that doesn’t promote healing.
To that end, I have been working with some incredible women for Reiki healings, Vibrational Healing with the Healy Device, and the Body Compass technique. Each of these has helped me feel grounded, assured and trusting in my journey. I am trained to Reiki L2 myself so I know the incredible difference it can make first hand.
It’s the club you never really want to be a part of… but once you’re in the Big C club, people have flocked around me and held me / supported me in ways I never would have thought of. I’m only two weeks in, but life before diagnosis (BD) seems a long way away! I’ll share more when I can and have more to update on.